Easedale Tarn lake in the Lake District, Cumbria. Photo : Tim Graham/Getty Images.

In the Disney version of Kipling’s The Jungle Book, Mowgli is captured by a bunch of anarchic monkeys who demand the boy give them fire. King Louie, the leader of these mischievous bandar-logs, believes that once they have fire, they will be like men — hence the lyrics: “I wanna walk like you, talk like you too-oo-oo…”
I sometimes think that the North, where I live, is a bit like the bandar-log: we are certain that if only London would give us the things that make London successful, then we’d be successful too. You know: a fast train, a tram system, a big concert hall, relocate a government department or a TV channel.
Perhaps it’s time we changed our tune, though; perhaps the North needs to stop trying to be something it’s not. Giving the bandar-log fire meant they would be monkeys with fire — it wouldn’t automatically make them humans. Likewise, lavishing the North with the trappings of our capital, which is pretty much the greatest city in the world, won’t turn it into London.
In any case, deep down, the North doesn’t really want to be London. It just wants to be a happier, healthier, wealthier version of itself. So I’d suggest its leaders stopped banging on about the capital sending up some fire and, instead, started asking what is different and special about the North of England.
Part of the trouble is that the North is stuck in the Heseltine Model of regional development. It’s a model focused on the city, not small towns, suburbs or rural places. And it’s an approach which relies on the property developer, on shiny regeneration with offices, city squares and urban living. This is a big city solution in a region with a population density below 1,000 per square mile compared with London’s population density of 15,000 per square mile.
Leaders up here are kidding themselves that central government cash, plus developer chutzpah and strong local leadership, will birth an economic powerhouse — despite 40 years and counting of it not working. We even use the phrase, The Northern Powerhouse, as if our repeating it again and again will make it come true.
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