For the conspiratorial mind, nothing is random (Getty)

Hereās a conspiracy theory of my own invention. Why did Jack Ruby kill Lee Harvey Oswald? Readers under the age of 80 may need to know that Jack Ruby was a Dallas bar owner and small-time crook who shot dead Oswald, the alleged assassin of President John F. Kennedy. Nobody has ever thought that Ruby did this out of patriotic indignation. Somebody wanted to silence Oswald for good, and Ruby was the instrument they chose to do so.
But who? Thereās evidence that Ruby was a low-level sidekick of the Mafia, so maybe it was the Mafia who shot Kennedy. But why kill Oswald as well? Itās here that my devilishly ingenious theory comes in. Thereās no real evidence that the Mob killed the President, but they might have been incensed that someone else had. Not because they had any love for their leader, but because they had intended to assassinate him themselves. After all, they threatened the lives of both Kennedy brothers several times. Before they could get round to it, however, a private entrepreneur called Oswald stepped in and did it instead. By having Oswald bumped off by a known associate of theirs, the Mafia made it look as though Oswald, had he lived, could have revealed their guilt. My theory, then, is that the Mob bumped Oswald off because they didnāt kill Kennedy. They just wanted people to think they had.
Is this true? Probably not. When it comes to the death of JFK, the hardest question is who didnāt do it. Thereās a comically long list of possible candidates: Oswald, the CIA, the FBI, the Dallas police, Lyndon B. Johnson, Kennedyās driver or his bodyguard, Right-wing Cubans, the Teamsters Union, perhaps (who knows?) a 21-year-old Harrison Ford. Members of QAnon probably believe they were all in it together. As with equality and diversity programmes, genuine conspiracies must leave nobody out.
One shouldnāt be too cynical about conspiracies. After all, as new UnHerd polling has shown, more people in Britain are conspiratorially-minded than aren’t. But itās true that there isnāt One Big Conspiracy, largely because there doesnāt need to be; itās also true that people regularly gather together in private to plot the downfall of their enemies. On the whole, however, liberal capitalist states, like dishwashers, work all by themselves (when they work at all). They donāt depend on people meeting in missile-proof bunkers to plot how to stay in power. Modern societies donāt rely on some kind of collective consciousness to keep themselves afloat, partly because modern citizens are atomised rather than collective. In fact, consciousness or belief hardly comes into it. As long as you donāt try to overthrow the state, you can believe pretty much what you like. This is known as liberalism.
Besides, the more individuals are in the know, the more fragile a conspiracy becomes. One reason why the US moon-landing wasnāt a put-up job is that it would have involved too many people, any one of whom could have blown the gaff. And if the truth (as conspirators see it) had got out, the United States would have suffered the most calamitous loss of credibility in its history. Its reputation would have been trashed beyond repair. Fear of being discovered is a primary reason why some events canāt be faked, just as one reason why most politicians try not to lie is not because they are more angelic beings than the rest of us, but because the consequences of being found out mean that it just isnāt worth it.
If great masses of people maintain a certain belief over long periods of time, one can be fairly sure that there is something in it. This doesnāt mean that the belief in question is true, but itās unlikely to be complete nonsense either. Myths tend to have a core of truth. For many centuries, everybody thought that the Sun moved around the Earth, which isnāt true; but it was a rational belief all the same, because the evidence seemed to support it. Much the same goes for paranoia. It isnāt true that creatures from Saturn have placed a secret device in your skull to beam your every thought to a control centre in the Glastonbury Tor, but itās true that a mighty amount of surveillance goes on, much of it secret. Or to put the point more pithily, just because youāre paranoid doesnāt mean the bastards arenāt out to get you. No civilisation in history has ever spied on itself so relentlessly.
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