Not Eddie Izzard. (ARNAUD FINISTRE/AFP via Getty Images)

It seems that things are going to the dogs across the Channel. It’s not just that the French birth rate, educational standards, and the homegrown car industry are all in decline; nor even that the homicide rate, Americanisms, and fast-food outlets are surging. It’s even worse than that: a short-haired, flat-chested woman was just crowned Miss France. Though the public vote in Saturday’s televised final went to two more generously appointed and traditionally becoiffed contestants, in a shock move, the all-female judging panel ranked a pixie-cutted maths graduate called Eve Gilles — otherwise known as Miss Nord-Pas-de-Calais — above both of them.
The decision has apparently caused outrage in some of the show’s seven million viewers, who are complaining that the event has succumbed to “le wokisme”. The timing of the decision seemed to some particularly suspicious, arriving only a fortnight after the programme’s production company was ordered to pay two former competitors compensation for showing hidden camera images of their unclothed breasts — almost as if those in charge wished subliminally to convey to viewers that, in terms of bosom-related content at least, there was now quite literally nothing to see here. Whether or not this was a real factor in the decision, it’s certainly true that Gilles’s look has been claimed as a win for “diversity”, which is probably quite irritating for the two Afro-Caribbean women she beat to first place.
Gilles’s victory follows earlier relaxations of traditional Miss France etiquette, each of them controversial in their own right. First came a change in the eligibility rules in 2019, allowing biological males to enter if they were legally female. Then last year, apparently even more radically for stalwarts, the event was opened up for the first time to females who had given birth, got married, were over the age of 24, and who had tattoos or body piercings. In what she claimed was a historic milestone at the time, a mother of a toddler won the regional heat Miss Alpes-du-Sud in March, causing another delegate to declare that this was “going to cause a stir, because there have already been young married women or young women a little older than 24, but a mum is a really big leap”.
Arguably though, with the exception of the edict about tattoos and piercings, these rule changes were not particularly threatening to the status quo. In practice, for a while it seemed as if they would make no difference to the sempiternal formula for a Miss France winner: voluminous hair, big teeth, an hourglass figure, and eyes sufficiently wide apart that you look ever-so-slightly like a startled faun. Indeed, up until this week, it seemed that whether you were virginal, married, a mother of 12, or indeed biologically male, in reality you could only get somewhere in the pageant by fitting this exact physical template. But then came Gilles and the old certainties collapsed. In French beauty competitions, it turns out that cosmetic changes are the most revolutionary.
Interviewed after her win, Gilles said she had deliberately chosen an “androgynous, more masculine look with short hair” in order to “talk about the body shaming we have to put up with every day. We all have our imperfections.” At first glance, that short hair on a woman could count as “masculine” and a flat chest as “imperfect” might seem a sign only of how ridiculously tightly the French conception of femininity is always gathered. But then you remember that this is also the country that gave us the concept of a gamine, and the iconic image of Jean Seberg in Jean-Luc Godard’s Breathless (A Bout de Souffle) — in other words, hardly a culture unappreciative of female tomboyishness. Indeed, France also gave us the concept of the jolie laide, and has presented for our delectation such fabulously elegant examples as Simone Signoret, Charlotte Gainsbourg, and Camille Cottin. In short, though no one could pretend the visual norms operative on French womanhood are particularly relaxed, it would still be an exaggeration to suggest that every woman there is expected to look like an old-fashioned Fifties beauty queen.
On second thoughts, then, it seems that this controversy is less a dispute about whether general beauty standards for women should be more “diverse”, and more like an argument between Crufts’ judges about whether a spaniel’s ears should be well-feathered or not — which is to say, a highly technical discussion, and not of much relevance to the rest of us. Essentially, people are fighting about the appropriate aesthetic standards for beauty queens — a specialised genre all of its own — and not about standards for women generally. What looks perfectly normal and even wildly attractive in any other woman might still make a beauty queen look fearsomely “masculine” and so allegedly imperfect to contest aficionados. These things are always somewhat relative.
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