(HEATHCLIFF O'MALLEY/POOL/AFP via Getty Images)

The year is 2008. It’s break time, and my twin sister is a library monitor. A swell moves through the playground; packs of children are pulled like magnets to the big bay window of the library, where a note is stuck to the inside pane. All of a sudden, about 100 kids are turning and looking at me. For the note, which my own sister had stuck to that window, contained three explosive words: “Poppy loves Harry”.
Barely anybody I still speak to from primary school remembers that fateful day, and thank god. Yes, I was teased for a week, but generally people forgot that I apparently “loved” another 10-year-old in my class (who was far more popular, hence the scandal). But what if that had happened now? Would videos of my beetroot-red face be plastered across TikTok and Snapchat? Would I ever have lived it down?
My generation was the first for which nudes rocketing around secondary schools, or the masterminding of toxic cyberbullying campaigns, was both commonplace and expected: one memorable Instagram burner account viciously tore into girls in my year, Gossip Girl-style, only for the culprit to eventually be caught out by a bungled double-bluff post. But since the passing of the Online Safety Bill in October, legislators have been taking stock of our saturation in all-consuming tech.
Only last week, the Education Select Committee once again sounded the alarm, reporting that one in four children use their phones in a manner resembling behavioural addiction. Ministers are now debating whether to ban under-16s from owning smartphones altogether — an extreme proposal which 33% of parents nevertheless support. The recommendations could not have come at a better time to circumvent the glacial pace of policymaking: as we await election manifestos, legislation on smartphones may well hitch a ride to becoming a governmental pledge, with the idea holding appeal for both major parties.
If it does appear on a manifesto, it will not be without a hitch. For the Conservatives, it may be tempting to see a ban, alongside the reintroduction of National Service and the phasing out of smoking, as part of a glut of boomer-friendly panic policies, directly mined from the resentments of village-hall coffee morning-goers. But in promoting a ban, the Tories would be pushing an instinctively un-conservative interventionism. For Labour, meanwhile, the unchecked power of Big Tech is an indictment of slack regulation of corporations — tick — but it also curries the least favour among the young, the party’s electoral home. Starmer’s decision to slash the voting age to 16 may backfire in a second-term election if the youngest voters are livid about being denied TikTok for 15 years of their lives.
Yet while the question of smartphone use can easily fall into a political storm drain, ministers should understand that any legislation it throws up is more than an election gambit. Like cigarettes and alcohol, it is fast becoming a public-health issue. In his new blockbuster book The Anxious Generation, Jonathan Haidt drew attention to the “selfie” function on smartphones and its deleterious effect on Gen-Z girls’ self-image, calling Instagram “unsafe at any speed”. But what is it doing to Gen A, the freshest crop of smartphone guinea pigs, born between 2010 and 2025?
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