Harris: from millstone to second coming (Chris duMond/Getty)

Following Joe Biden’s belated withdrawal from the presidential race, the onslaught of felching flattery about his heroically sacrificial character and his administration’s astonishing, unprecedented, better-than-FDR-scale accomplishments began within minutes. From the Democratic party’s grand poohbahs and their lickspittles in the media, this fawning admiration is intended to compensate for having done nothing but insult, undermine, and leak against the President for three weeks. Now his detractors are suddenly Biden’s greatest fans. But don’t expect smarmy, unctuous if subtly guilt-ridden bootlicking from this columnist.
Pining over what might-have-been is more the stuff of poetry than of politics. Yet this is an apt juncture at which to reflect on the obvious alternative to today’s shambolic state of the Democratic party, which now, three and a half months before the election and under a month before its August convention, doesn’t actually have a candidate for president. I last wrote here about my fondness for parallel universes, so check this one out.
After forcing himself to watch the same YouTube videos that the public has been hooting over for years — of his own halting, rambling, often incoherent and ungrammatical performances from earlier in his term — a truly heroic elderly president honours his implicit 2020 promise to his colleagues and constituency. Thus, in January 2023, he announces that he has no intention of running for another term. This long lead time allows a range of candidates to throw hats into the ring — you know, all those names numbingly repeated ever since Biden’s train-wreck debate as demonstration of his party’s “deep bench”. Fingers crossed that in our parallel universe at least one of these candidates in a highly competitive primary season is not a lunatic dicks-in-women’s-sports progressive who therefore has a great chance of beating Trump.
In this fantasy, too, the Dems don’t put Biden’s idiotic diversity hire VP through a hasty rinse cycle, but instead acknowledge that even a large proportion of Democratic voters detest the woman. Oh, Kamala runs, all right, but she doesn’t do that much better than when she ran for president the first time, then proving so unpopular even in her own state of California that she bowed out before testing herself in a single primary. Never underestimate the far-Left-led party’s capacity to utterly misread the electorate and nominate some Witless Woke Weirdo — but at least this scenario allows for the possibility that a sensible centrist freakishly squeaks through. In which case, Trump is toast.
But back to reality! There’s been much talk about an “open” Democratic convention, in which a crowd of presidential aspirants duke it out — nicely, of course, never emitting a discouraging word about their lovely but perhaps ever so slightly misguided opponents — hence garnering excited media attention and rousing a disgruntled, resentful electorate out of their torpor of resignation to become riveted by the suspense over who will emerge as their saviour in November.
Yet given that the superior pols at the top of the “Democratic” party don’t really believe in democracy but more in noblesse oblige — a.k.a., “Yo, voters, don’t worry your pretty heads about who runs the country” — this “open” proposition is a longshot. It’s unlikely that folks so convinced that they always know best will leave the nomination to chance. I’m hardly sticking my neck out here, much less distinguishing myself as some sort of analytical genius, by regarding the nomination of Kamala Harris as almost inevitable — although I would love to be wrong.