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		<title>Infidelity - UnHerd</title>
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		<description>think again</description>
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					<title>The sadist assault on the ‘Coldplay couple’</title>
					<link>https://stage.unherd.com/2025/07/the-sadist-assault-on-the-coldplay-couple/?edition=us</link>
											<comments>https://stage.unherd.com/2025/07/the-sadist-assault-on-the-coldplay-couple/?edition=us#comments</comments>
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										<unherd:main_theme>privacy</unherd:main_theme>
					<dc:creator>
						<![CDATA[Matthew Gasda]]>
					</dc:creator>
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																<unherd:article_ranking>International</unherd:article_ranking>
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							<![CDATA[Wrong place, wrong time. Credit: YouTube]]>
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							<![CDATA[<p>Matthew Gasda is a playwright, author, and columnist for <em>UnHerd</em>, based in New York City.</p>
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						</unherd:twitter_bio>
						<unherd:twitter_handle>FOMO_sacer</unherd:twitter_handle>
															<unherd:author_bio>
						<![CDATA[Matthew Gasda is a playwright, author, and columnist for <em>UnHerd</em>, based in New York City.]]>
					</unherd:author_bio>
										<pubDate>Fri, 18 Jul 2025 23:00:58 +0000</pubDate>
					<updated>Sun, 20 Jul 2025 01:43:35 +0000</updated>
							<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Big tech]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cancel culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[CEOs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Infidelity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Romance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Surveillance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[US]]></category>
					<guid isPermaLink="false">https://stage.unherd.com/?p=693821</guid>
																												<description>
								<![CDATA[We need a new ethic of privacy]]>
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								<![CDATA[<p>I wish I didn’t know who Andy Byron and Kristin Cabot are. As you no doubt know by now, the Astronomer CEO and his firm’s HR chief were caught on the jumbotron at a Coldplay concert. He tried to sneak away, while she covered her face, but it was too late. Someone posted the footage online. A pile-up ensued. And their lives were turned upside down.</p>
<p>As I say, I wish I didn’t know who they are. And that’s because any of us might, for any particular reason, become Andy Byron or Kristin Cabot: flawed people in the wrong place at the wrong time. Anybody can make a bad-but-irrelevant-to-the-rest-of-us mistake on camera and face personal destruction. What such episodes reveal is a pathology in the social body, and the desperate need for a new ethic of privacy.</p>
<p>The “Coldplay-concert-couple” story is fundamentally irrelevant and effectively contentless, telling us nothing about the world, about ourselves; it isn’t particularly funny or tragic or profound. There is no pathos, no insight. True, the current culture on X and other social-media apps is perhaps less immediately destructive than it was during peak woke (circa 2017 to 2021). Still, the viral potential of these kinds of stories is a warning sign that our culture is obsessed with shame, surveillance, and control. An obsession with other people’s private lives is a sickness.</p>
<p>Leaking, doxing, spying on private citizens on Reddit, on private Facebook groups, on X, on Instagram, on TikTok — regardless of the moral quality of the subjects under consideration — hurts everyone. Because it makes everyone subject to this omnipresent, collectivized panopticon, and the more these images circulate, the more normal it becomes.</p>
<p>Group chats, dating apps, emails — or in Byron’s and Cabot’s case, simply being in public with no intention to be filmed — should not be subject to public judgment. This species of story is a distraction from serious issues, and runs cover for the genuinely powerful individuals and entities who materially impact our lives.</p>
<div class="ref-ar"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2026/11/test-article/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2026/11/test-article/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><img decoding="async" src="" /></a><div class="content"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2026/11/test-article/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span class="meta">More from this author</span></a><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2026/11/test-article/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><h5>Test article</h5></a><p class="author"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2026/11/test-article/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span>By</span> Matthew Gasda</a></p></div></a></div>
<p>Clearly, there is something in human nature that is primed to gossip, shame, and ridicule (thoughtlessly, automatically). But new technology allows us to give vent to these sordid tendencies in historically unprecedented ways. We should take seriously the moral warping effect that such stories, and our obsession with them, have on our souls.</p>
<p>The global village is like any village — scolding, punitive, consumed by hearsay, with nothing better to do. While turning someone into a meme might seem fun, it’s severely undignified, and discards the customs and safeguards of a liberal society in order to participate in a sadistic pile-on. So while the particular example at hand might not seem worth this much deliberation, that is my point.</p>
<p>There might be a story here about the hypocrisy of a CEO and an HR officer having an in-house affair that might get lesser-ranking employees fired. But what I see surfacing in the discursive arena is not intelligent critique of HR departments and their culture, but a glee at the immiseration of a random person.</p>
<p>If these trends continue — if algorithms continue to work the way they do, and I can’t imagine they won&#8217;t — then more and more victims will be dragged out of anonymity for mimetic sacrifice. And as a consequence, meaningful taboos about privacy, shame, and respect have disappeared, and everyone’s lives and behaviors have become fodder for comment and ridicule.</p>
<p>We sorely need new taboos — not against adultery or sexual immorality or interpersonal deception, because clearly we have plenty of those already. Rather, we need taboos against aggregating ourselves into idiotic, loathsome mobs, incapable of thinking about what the subjects of our ridicule and these digital stonings might suffer. A wiser perspective would admit that we all, at the wrong moment, are liars, fools, cheaters, charlatans, hypocrites. Let who has not sinned click the “like” or “repost” button.</p>
<div class="su-pullquote su-pullquote-align-left">“If our natural response to constant mutual surveillance is not disgust, then it should be.”</div>
<p>We all sin, and we might have received grace or mercy under the theocracies of older liberal and Enlightenment arrangements. Algorithmic justice and judgment, however, contains neither the virtues of theocratic society — you could at least avail yourself of religious law, with its exceptions and casuistry — nor of classically liberal society: there is no due process, no appeal mechanism. There’s no mediating structure in the global village. It is instinctive, animalistic, rash, cruel.</p>
<p>The force and direction of this collective online judgment should be turned against itself: We should punish not those caught in the panopticon, but the anonymous posters, Redditors, and the like; all who take joy in random acts of scorn. If we want to live in a tolerant, sane society, we should turn off our cameras, step away from mimetic digital village stonings, and reflect on our own haphazard and imperfect lives and selves.</p>
<p>This “should” will not come from above: there is no sign that tech companies will change their products to disincentivize this kind of behavior. Self-regulation, at scale, is, as of now, the only answer. The way we talk, write, act, and respond matters. Culture matters insofar as culture is a layer of software that at least partially governs how we use our phones. We sorely lack codes of conduct surrounding technology and our ability to record, dox, and harass each other.</p>
<p>If our natural response to constant mutual surveillance is not disgust, then it should be; phones come with cameras, but cameras linked to the global cortex are weapons. Using them to film strangers should not be normalized — telling people to put their phones away should. Piling on viral posts about random people who had no intention of going viral should not be normal, either. If Big Tech won’t take them down, then self-restraint is called for. Institutions can help uphold and reinforce these new norms by prohibiting phone usage in as many public spaces as possible.</p>
<div class="ref-ar"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2025/05/the-flattening-of-the-human-mind/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2025/05/the-flattening-of-the-human-mind/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><img decoding="async" src="https://stage.unherd.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/GettyImages-1393206444.jpg?w=300" /></a><div class="content"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2025/05/the-flattening-of-the-human-mind/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span class="meta">Suggested reading</span></a><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2025/05/the-flattening-of-the-human-mind/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><h5>The flattening of the human mind</h5></a><p class="author"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2025/05/the-flattening-of-the-human-mind/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span>By</span> Kathleen Stock</a></p></div></a></div>
<p>There are secondary benefits, too: public spaces are also just better without everyone being on their phones; 50,000 people all filming the same concert, for instance, aside from having unintended consequences, is stupid and unaesthetic. Each of us doesn&#8217;t need to take our own badly framed photos of Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss” when we visit Vienna. There are professional photos and postcards widely available. We could employ the faculty of memory, too.</p>
<p>Codes of conduct are what we might call counter-mimetics; they do have to be injected into social interaction and discourse, artificially at first, before they catch on. That’s what I’m proposing here. We might think something is amusing and worth commenting on or bad and worth scolding, and maybe, in isolation it is. But on the whole, we’re making life intolerable, anxious, and graceless.</p>
<p>It took several centuries for mounted knights to develop the code of conduct known as chivalry to regulate their unparalleled ability to kill or threaten anyone who didn’t have a horse, mail, and sword; let’s hope we can develop codes of conduct around our phones or whatever next-generation AI devices replace phones.</p>
<p>Privacy is a hard-won social good; give it back to others to protect your own.</p>
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					<title>Why are publishers pandering to the mob?</title>
					<link>https://stage.unherd.com/2019/01/why-are-publishers-pandering-to-the-mob/?edition=us</link>
											<comments>https://stage.unherd.com/2019/01/why-are-publishers-pandering-to-the-mob/?edition=us#comments</comments>
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										<unherd:main_theme></unherd:main_theme>
					<dc:creator>
						<![CDATA[Sam Leith]]>
					</dc:creator>
					<unherd:creator_img>https://stage.unherd.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Sam.jpg?w=96</unherd:creator_img>
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							<![CDATA[Credit: Guang Niu / Getty]]>
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						<unherd:twitter_bio>
							<![CDATA[<div><strong>Sam Leith</strong> is literary editor of <i>The Spectator. </i>His latest book is <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Haunted-Wood-History-Childhood-Reading/dp/0861548183" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>The Haunted Wood: A History of Childhood Reading</em></a>.</div>
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						</unherd:twitter_bio>
						<unherd:twitter_handle>questingvole</unherd:twitter_handle>
															<unherd:author_bio>
						<![CDATA[ is literary editor of <i>The Spectator. </i>His latest book is <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Haunted-Wood-History-Childhood-Reading/dp/0861548183" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><em>The Haunted Wood: A History of Childhood Reading</em></a>.</div>]]>
					</unherd:author_bio>
										<pubDate>Wed, 16 Jan 2019 07:00:24 +0000</pubDate>
					<updated>Tue, 15 Oct 2019 11:24:19 +0000</updated>
							<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[#MeToo]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Behaviour]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Free Speech]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Infidelity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Morality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Morality clause]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Publishing]]></category>
					<guid isPermaLink="false">http://old.unherd.com/?p=18294</guid>
																												<description>
								<![CDATA[Morality clauses don't defuse Twitterstorms, they incentivise them]]>
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<p>Imagine a writer whose work you admire is suddenly found cheating on his wife; or inappropriately &#8216;mentoring&#8217; some lovely he met on an <a href="https://www.arvon.org" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Arvon</a> course; or retweeting white supremacist memes on Twitter. How woud you react? Would you remove his books from your shelves and send them to the charity shop or – for fear of moral contagion – simply hoy them into the woodburner?</p>
<p>Perhaps you will think these are silly questions. Perhaps you won’t. Still, it won’t matter soon what you think. A number of publishers have decided to take the matter out of your hands. More and more of them have, in recent years, been adding &#8216;morality clauses&#8217; to their contracts; a <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/04/opinion/sunday/metoo-new-yorker-conde-nast.html" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"><em>New York Times</em> report</a> says these include HarperCollins, Simon &amp; Schuster, Penguin Random House and (though the publisher declined to confirm it) Hachette. This news is being greeted with some alarm by the admittedly few writers who bother to read them.</p>
<p>This is, it should be said straight out, not so simple as a &#8216;freedom of speech&#8217; issue. A morality clause doesn’t police (as private publishers are entitled to, tut-tut though we may) the acceptable parameters of what a writer can say in their work: rather, it reserves the right to pull the work from the shelves if the writer does something they don’t like in their public life, or does something in their private life that becomes public. But in making it a point of something so nebulous as morality, that writes the publisher willing to act in bad faith quite the blank cheque.</p>
<div class="ref-ar"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/05/13785/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/05/13785/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><img decoding="async" src="https://stage.unherd.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/womensmarch2018_Philly_Philadelphia_-MeToo_25934196348.jpg?w=300" /></a><div class="content"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/05/13785/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span class="meta">Suggested reading</span></a><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/05/13785/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><h5>How social media is creating dangerous legal precedents</h5></a><p class="author"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/05/13785/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span>By</span> Jenny McCartney</a></p></div></a></div>
<p>The timeworn argument about the separation of life from art needs little rehearsal here. Morality clauses – even if we stuck within current liberal tramlines and gave atheists, adulterers, suicides and sodomites a free pass – could deprive us of the works of Cicero (slave owner), Ben Jonson (murderer), Jean Genet (thief), William Burroughs (manslaughterer), Arthur Koestler (rapist), Hunter Thompson (dangerous driver), T S Eliot (antisemite), Philip Larkin (racist), David Foster Wallace (intimate partner violence, sexual harassment) the Earl of Rochester (all-round bad egg) and any number of others.</p>
<p>And if you started rounding up anyone whose private behaviour or public utterances could cause a scandal on social media – just think of the hashtags you&#8217;d get from Dante Gabriel Rossetti plundering his wife’s grave to retrieve a sonnet sequence – the canon would consist of George Herbert and Dorothy Wordsworth.</p>
<p>The reason the issue arises now, though, is nothing to do with morality. It’s to do with public relations. In part, this is because the publishing business model has changed. Writers are no longer, to the same extent they once were, the anonymous or private suppliers of texts that go out into the world. They are personalities: marketable brands in themselves. They are expected to promote their books with personal appearances and readings; to give interviews. If they already have a telly profile or a substantial social media presence, that will be baked into the contract. Publishing acquisitions meetings take into account how &#8216;promotable&#8217; an author is; periodicals trail their star columnists with photographs and marquee bylines.</p>
<p>A consequence of this is that the publisher then has a financial interest in how they conduct their private lives. Just as Kerry Katona ceased to be a representative of the wholesome supermarket chain Iceland – “That’s why mums go to Iceland” – when she was filmed hoovering up fat lines of cocaine while she was supposed to be looking after her kids, writers can become a liability to their publishers if they’re caught doing something that compromises the public image that is one of their selling points.</p>
<div class="ref-ar"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/06/victimhood-culture-will-tear-us-apart/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/06/victimhood-culture-will-tear-us-apart/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><img decoding="async" src="https://stage.unherd.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/GettyImages-908059608.jpg?w=300" /></a><div class="content"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/06/victimhood-culture-will-tear-us-apart/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span class="meta">Suggested reading</span></a><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/06/victimhood-culture-will-tear-us-apart/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><h5>Victimhood culture will tear us apart</h5></a><p class="author"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/06/victimhood-culture-will-tear-us-apart/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span>By</span> Jenny McCartney</a></p></div></a></div>
<p>Sometimes, mind you, that selling point might not be morality but the opposite. Who can forget Ozzy Osbourne’s poignant objection to using a bubble machine in one of his live shows: &#8220;I&#8217;m fucking Ozzy Osbourne, I&#8217;m the Prince of fucking Darkness. Evil! Evil! What&#8217;s fucking evil about a shitload of bubbles!?&#8221;<u></u></p>
<p>So there is some merit to the publishers&#8217; case that they have a financial interest in the public personas of their authors. But this is not simply a way of finding a legal mechanism whereby you can get out of publishing a children’s book if you discover the author is a serial child molester. To determine the extent to which this is predicated not on real moral objection but on the fear of bad publicity, we need look only at the new Conde Nast boilerplate, which reportedly gives the company the right to drop a writer if, in the company’s “sole judgment”, the author “becomes the subject of public disrepute, contempt, complaints or scandals&#8221;.</p>
<p>Writers and publishers have as their <em>raison d’être</em> the production of original thinking. But here, at the very contract stage, is an active capitulation to groupthink. Not “we can drop you if you’re criminally immoral”: rather, and expressly, “we can drop you if we think people disapprove of you”. In the social media age that’s especially alarming. Social media is set up to be an engine of perpetual outrage. That is its neurological business model: a perpetually self-feeding howl-round. It is, as the futurologist (or whatever he calls himself) <a href="https://www.jaronlanier.com" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Jaron Lanier</a> likes to call &#8216;BUMMER&#8217;: Behaviour of Users Modified and Made into an Empire for Rent. There’s money in the mayhem.</p>
<div class="ref-ar"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/08/social-media-makes-fascists-us/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/08/social-media-makes-fascists-us/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><img decoding="async" src="https://stage.unherd.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/GettyImages-55991311.jpg?w=300" /></a><div class="content"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/08/social-media-makes-fascists-us/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span class="meta">Suggested reading</span></a><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/08/social-media-makes-fascists-us/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><h5>How social media makes fascists of us all</h5></a><p class="author"><a href="https://stage.unherd.com/2018/08/social-media-makes-fascists-us/?edition=us&#038;ref=refinnar" class="text-decoration-none border-0"><span>By</span> Jamie Bartlett</a></p></div></a></div>
<p>And here, at the heart of it, is the serious point. A Twitterstorm, as it is, can&#8217;t do anything but huff and puff. It’s noise: sound and fury, signifying nothing. It’s a huge number of people on the internet deciding that they strongly disapprove of you and getting a little dopamine hit every time someone else interacts with their statement of disapproval. If you sit it out, if you don’t actually mind, if you DGAF, as the young people say, it will blow itself out.</p>
<p>That is easier said than done. It takes some stones to register the furious ad-hominem (or ad-feminam) rage of tens of thousands of strangers and not feel just a tiny bit scared or upset. Most of us, as social animals, are set up to care what others think about us. But however horrible it may be, being slated on social media cannot <em>directly</em> damage our livelihoods.</p>
<p>But in a world where &#8216;the optics&#8217; matter – the world of brand management – publishers mind very much. So they write in morality clauses as a sort of escape hatch. If their author gave an interview in which he or she said something that has incited the fury of the mob (and let’s not forget that that fury can be and is, particularly in the political arena, purposefully gamed by interested actors), they can drop the author like a hot rock before brand contamination sets in.</p>
<p>And that doesn’t defuse the likelihood of Twitterstorms: rather, it incentivises them. It means that those who are outraged, or just pretending to be because they’re bored, or crave approval, or have clambered on a passing bandwagon, or are being paid a decent wage to sit in a troll farm in the former Soviet Union claiming to be a midwestern hockey mom, now have a concrete means of damaging their target’s livelihood and/or inflicting financial harm on the institutions or publications that employ them. This is to quail at paper tigers and attempt to appease them by giving them real teeth. That really is a bummer.</p>
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